Well Let The Poets Cry Themselves To Sleep|
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|Monday, January 9th, 2006|
umm, i'm here still...eh, yeah...
|Monday, December 19th, 2005|
You are Nancy! You are beautiful and pretty nosey.
You usually get yourself into a lot of trouble,
but the one you love usually comes to rescue
you or help you out. You always know where to
turn to when you need help.
|Monday, December 5th, 2005|
today's my first day of work at DEBs. i go in at 5:30. i'm feeling pretty nervous. i have to go for 5 hours without jewelry in my face. how awkward. ew.
i totally sucked at nanowrimo this year. but i expected to. ha ha. there was no way i was going to have time to write a novel.
i'm actually looking forward to working so i can get soem money. maybe get an apartment. maybe with nate. that'd be nice. i miss him. wish we still lived together. wish we could see eachother more, maybe talk on the phone more or soemthing.
i have couple more people to get things for, for christmas/ hanukah (<3 you steph) then everyone else is just getting a card, cuase i relaly can't afford much. i'm goign to have to like look at the dollar store, for osme cards even. oi. i found the coolest thing to get mills for christmas and i tihnk she will get a big kick out of it too. yey. go me!
oi. only a couple more hours and i got to work. it's kind of weird saying that now. ha ha
|Thursday, November 24th, 2005|
well how was everyone else's thankgiving?
mine was a drag. very slow and lonely. nate said soemthing about he might come down, but of course he never showed up. i got my hope up for it. which i tried my hardest not to. have to go back to school tomorrow. not looking forward to it. i'm feeling pretty down. relaly not wanting to be here. i want to go somewhere. maybe meet someone.
ugh. i need to move out of this house i am so sick of my mother, and all her meaningless questions. like: why is your bank card in your floor? what are you doing? have you heard from nate? is this your stuff for school? it's driving me insane.
so now that i have a job...anyone looking for a room mate? probably couldn't affor dit anyhow. i knwo if i moved out then while i'm in school my dad would want me to pay for my insurance, and that, i just can't afford right now. hopefully i can make a good amount with this job. i get paid extra on sundays which will be nice. so i'll be asking to work every sunday of course. on average i'll only make about 30-40$ a day. blah. so hopefully they'll at least work me every day...i get paid weekly, which will kind of be nice. i hate trying to make one pay check stretch over 2 wks. after i get my first check i'll decided on how much to save and how much to spend each week. i'd like to be able to open another savings account...so i can save for...breast implants...yep.
|Thursday, November 10th, 2005|
day 8 and counting. i miss nathan.
seen my new therapist today. it went well. i tihnk she'll work out really well. i think we're goign to focus first on my self esteem. which will be good cuase it's really like the center of everything, once i feel good about myself, i can feel good about other things too.
|Sunday, November 6th, 2005|
|Thursday, November 3rd, 2005|
i need to know how to make myself a better person...now...i need to know how to boost my selfesteem, and trust people. or i'm going to loose nathan for good, and i can't bare that. we got in a fight tonight and my dad through him out of the house, and i feel like the most worthless stupidest person in the world...i wouldn't even go to school if i wasn't someone elses ride...i'm so in love with him, and i need to be able to trust him...i just can't do it though, and i don't know why...i'm such a fuck up...i need to go back to therapy...but i haven't had a chance to talk to my mom about it...and i need to talk to soemone else other then the last guy i had cause he didn't help me at all...
|Tuesday, November 1st, 2005|
anyone know of anywhere hiring in the mooresville and/or greenwood area?
|Monday, October 31st, 2005|
i'm so worn out. my parents keep hounding me about my speeding ticket and money and general and it's wearing me out, i've put in like 10 applications in one week, and nothing. i even went in every single day for a week at one place, and on the last day they told me oh we just hired a bunch of people. what the crap is that? nate gave me some money and i don't want it, i don't want it at all, but i know i need it. this sucks. this sucks really bad.one of my friends from school was needing a ride form me but she hasn't called me yet and obviously i can't give her a ride without no directions. but if i do ever get the directions then i'd be able to get soem gas money from her...i figure i'll tell her about 15...and i won't tell my parents so they can give me money to and then i can set some aside for other things....my dad's saying i have to pay him back, and why, why do i have to? i did have a job. i did. and it's not like i haven't been trying and when i told my mom that, she's like yeah it is. she doesn't know. she doens't know how many applications i've put in and how hard i have been trying. forget her, forget them. i'll get a job and i will move out...nate's really wanting to move out too now...argh.
|Monday, October 24th, 2005|
question: how can you tell if someone is falling out of love? like what's some of the big indicators?
that is all.
|Tuesday, October 18th, 2005|
so nate's ran off...again. i got upset with him for looking at pics of naked women...again...and he gets all pissed off at me even though he's so upset that i have so many pics of mc chris. and ya know, at least i'm not looking at naked men and/or women...and yes i do have a crush on mc, but i wouldn't do anything with him while i'm with someone, and i believe i proved myself on saturday. so he's gone soemwhere, told my mom he wouldn't be home tonight, and doesn't even have his phone on...so now i'm even more pissed off at him, and frankly i don't care if he's here for the next few days...i tried calling him, phone's powered off, so i say forget it! if he wants to act childish and run off instead of staying here to talk to me like a man, then fuck it!
|Monday, October 17th, 2005|
|My moon has faded...
luna passed away. i only had her for 3 weeks. she was horribly infested with fleas, and they just sucked all her blood, they tried a transfusion but it was too late. i gave her baths and i combed her out all the time, she was too young for any flea medication. it was all my fault. i couldn't get rid of them. it hurts so bad. she's buried next to estrella, i've lost my star and my moon. i want my puppies. i want my puppies back so bad. i never heard a dog scream in pain before till last night. it was horrible. the vet did all he could. she was so tiny, she was much smaller then estrella was when i first got her, and the fleas, ugh, the blasted fleas. i wanted to punch them so badly, i wanted them all to just die right then and there...but they were all over my baby, and i coudlnt' hurt her anymore then i already had. i feel so miserable. i take them from a home expectating to give them a good life, and they die such horrible deaths. mi luna y mi estrella.
in other news. to inform you all...yesterday i got my tounge pierced...it hurts...i hurt. i hurt all over. i want my puppies. Current Mood: depressed
|Sunday, October 16th, 2005|
oh yeah oh yeah. i totally loved last night. BUT in the end i got to shy to go up to mc at the end of the show...:/ (sigh) i should be doing stuff like that anyway, i do have a boyfriend i love dearly...but...it is mc...oi, the dilema i'm in (sniffle) but i had a blast, and mm mmm mmmm...when mc was standing right in front of me, perfect height for two short people really. hooray. best night eva! i really wish travis could've been there. i missed him. bunches. and i'm so glad mc took my note. i should've out my number on it. damn it!
|Saturday, October 8th, 2005|
|Monday, October 3rd, 2005|
|this will be a long post
i might have a job. yey. and the guy if he does hire me, said he'd probably only work me the days i don't have school, which would be nice. my school schedule makes, seeing, talking or doing anything with anyone the suck. i hope it doesn't hurt nate's and i relationship, but i tihnk it'll help at the same time cuase we'll long for eachother more...hopefully...and now a survey thing.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
3. Meggie (Thanks mom)
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
3. my nails
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
2. cherokee indian
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. being lonely
2. dead things
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. cell phone
2. big ol' purse
3. my haircutting shears. oh yeah!
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
3. body jewelry
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. Hijack- mc chris
2. gold digger- kayne west
3. what sarah said- deathcab for cutie
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. endless love
3. my bestest bestest best best friend.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order, try and guess which is which):
1. i want to have mc's love child
2. i'm going to be a cosmetologist
3. i got plastic surgery when i was 17
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. be finsihed with school.
2. get proposed to
3. my room be clean.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. get married
2. have babies.
3. KNOW that i'm loved and beautiful
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I HATE PUBLIC BATHROOMS!
2. I HATE FEET!
3. I love puppies, kitties, rainbows, fulffy things, stars...love...sparkles...
THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Johnny Depp
2. mc chris
3. ani difranco
THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
|Thursday, September 29th, 2005|
well we've picked a name. luna. i liked your ideas steph...but we wanted something simple and small. she's tinier then estrella was. but i had my star. and now i have my moon. yey!
|Monday, September 26th, 2005|
|BEST DAY EVER!
ok. i had my orientation today. it was alright. kind of boring, just talking, so ya know...and i figure this first month of school will be pretty boring too since most of it is book work...but we do get to work on our doll heads. yey.
went looking for a job. got an application at the family dollar(oi) everywhere else that i stopped in today not hiring. :/ but next monday i'm going to go to some resturants, and like hardware stores...then the last thng i wiill check will be fast food and grocery stores.
doesn't sound like the greatest day right? but then...oh but then...i went and picked me up a female purbred yorkie. 9 wks old and she's about the size of 6 wk old. :) so i'm guessing she's goign to be really tiny like estrella. i showed her estrella's grave cause i don't want her to be jealous, and i just hope that estrella understands that i'm nto replacing her...i just need the physicalness as well. i know that sounds crazy but i loved that dog more then anything. so i'm trying to come up with a name for her. i want something to represent me, her, and estrella. so i'm trying to think of something that has to do with like the solar system, but not just the word star. so far i really like celes...like celestial...but it hasn't really had that..yeah that's perfect...ya know? so maybe soem name's of stars...the names of the moons...does saturn's rings have indvidual names? ya know stuff like that....any ideas?
|Thursday, September 22nd, 2005|
|It's the first official day of autumn!
i remember the other part cause the pain came back. i have a UTI and i believe it's turning into a kidney infection. i've been on antibiotics for about 4 days now. and i've had to piss like no other for about 4-5 days before then. and you know i've had the nausea and cramping...and then last night OMG. all i wanted to do was get sick and i couldn't and i tried, even stuck my finger down my throat, but all i coudl do was dry heave...and the cramping, and like my muscles in my stomach just kept contracting, and then this pain, oh man, this really sharp pain just shot through my back, and now there's this dull pain in one spot on the right side of my back...and a slight pain on the left but more on the right. and i was crying. nate got me soem tylenol. and that helped with the sharp pain, but it still hurts bad, i'm goign to have to go to the doctor again...blah.
|update on my dog!
ok, well the attorney general lost my complaint! so i have to wait to get another one and re-file it. this is so ridiculous, and very upsetting for me. i still want another dog, but with me going to school, i won't be able to get one any time soon.
my parent's have to close down the greenwood store, and bring everyone and everything over here...meaning? i'm out of a job again. :( damn it! i'm goign to be lookign for a job around mooresville, and i'm going to try to avoid food, but it's looking un-avoidable...dominoe's are hiring delivery drivers, 8-12$ an hour, but i don't know if i want to do that much driving around...and i know mooresville, but i don't know liek all the new housing additions and such. so yeah. i'd really like to get soem sort of job in a salon, liek as a person who the scheduling or soemthing, but most places are only open....the days and times i'll be in school :( argh! doesn't look liek nate and i got the place in greenwood either.
blah. this is beggining to suck...but i'm tying to be optimistic. my first day of school is monday. i have about $500 saved for school...so that'll hopefully at least get me through 4-5 months. maybe 6 if i'm super lucky.... so yeah....i was goign to say some more stuff, but spaced it all....oh i won't be able to go out much, or see anyone much with me going to school, the timing, and budgeting is goign to be really rough.
|Tuesday, September 20th, 2005|
i've decided i'm ready for another dog. i know i said i would never get another dog, but i have like this emptiness in me. some sort of void. i want another female yorkie. maybe i could get another one form that lady so it'd be like estrella's sister or something, i miss her so bad. she was a perfect dog to me. what i always wanted my first dog to be.